I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
