He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We need to rekindle our bromance
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
