Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
