community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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