Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
