I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
