I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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