Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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