I feel like I'm in dance class right now
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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