my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This house was built for laser tag.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
