we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
