it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
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We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
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Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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