Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
