i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
