So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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