yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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