Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
