I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
