so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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