I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
