Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
