He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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