apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
