College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
