Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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