I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
