she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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