Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
