The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
