She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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