How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize