The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Swine flu is the new snow day.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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