when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
