You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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