Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
