no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think my moral compass just broke
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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