Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
