I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
