We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You're my little dorito
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
