The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
