Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
