worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
