at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
