So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
