There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
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