My brain says no but my pants say off.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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