so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
birth control should be required to get into college
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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