Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
