I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
