OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
