i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
