so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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