i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
