I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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