You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
