I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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