Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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