my phone needs a breathalizer
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I have fence marks all over my body
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I had to cum in my sink.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
