If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
