I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
