In America we eat man semen.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
