For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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