yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
