No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Found your dick twin last night
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
