8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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