dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
