I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
