Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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